Comfort in Solitude
An overlooked but an important life skill.
I have an 8-year-old sister who constantly needs to be entertained. As soon as she’s free she asks me, ‘What can I do?’
Most of the time, I actually give her an activity of some sort, but sometimes I tell her to simply do nothing. I’m trying to get her into the habit of being comfortable doing nothing. Just sitting with her thoughts.
I think that’s something we never get taught as kids. We grow up having spent very little time with our own thoughts and we end up not knowing how to do it. I think that’s part of the reason behind the lifestyle we see of living for the weekend, paycheck to paycheck.
People occupy themselves constantly in the name of productivity or fun when the harsh reality is they’re not capable of spending time alone.
When I was 18-21 years old, all the students around me would be chronically stressed if they didn’t have plans on the weekend. It was like something really bad would happen if they weren’t occupied. Only recently have I noticed that they were probably dreading the thought of being alone.
In the last year with the pandemic and lockdowns, society has been forced to spend not just a weekend, but almost an entire year cooped up inside. Mental health problems are soaring high as ever, to no surprise.
That’s why I’m sharing this message today, to tell you the importance of being comfortable sitting with your thoughts. It’s a skill that is overlooked but really important.
Last year I wrote this post about ‘me time’ and how it’s important to spend some time alone in the day. Back then and pretty much all of my childhood, I’ve enjoyed my me-time. Recently, however, I’ve been struggling to spend time alone, so this one’s not just for the readers. It’s also for the writer.
Photo by freestocks
So many of us occupy ourselves 24/7 when in reality we're just avoiding the dread of being alone with our thoughts.
It’s not healthy. In actual fact, having comfort in solitude is a superpower and will protect your mental health. When life gets tough and you have negative thoughts spiralling in your head, being comfortable on your own will help you get through the tough times.
If you’re used to avoiding alone time, then when you’re left alone in a time of hardship your thoughts will beat you down with no self-defence.
It’s not all doom and gloom though.
Here’s something that comforts me in difficult times. I hope this can help you too.
If you're struggling with negative thoughts or unwanted situations in life, keep this in mind
It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.
- Epictetus
You can't control what happens to you in life, but you can control your reaction to those things. It’s inevitable that you will face a time of difficulty at some point in the future, sorry to break it to you.
When you do, remember that there are always several ways to view a situation.
Two people being rejected from the same job can have completely different attitudes to the situation. One may be distraught while the other may see this as a sign that the job wasn’t good for him.
The lesson is that you can pick and choose which lens you see your life with.
Want to play the victim? Pick the victim lens. All of a sudden you’re the victim in every situation. Want to be content and happy? Pick the lens that shows you that side of life.
Once you internalise this, you start to see the world differently, in a more positive light. If you choose to.
You can control your perception of situations, but you can't change all situations.
Let that sink in.
How do I find comfort in solitude?
There isn’t a short answer I can add to this. I’m still working on this myself and looking for actionable solutions. My next blog post will be answering this in some detail.
For now, I’ll just say this - spend more time alone. Start off small with 5 minutes in the morning or at night and build upon that. If you find yourself thinking negatively, try to use gratitude to think more positively. Click here to read my post on gratitude.
Until next time, take care :)