Gratitude
A doorway to happiness
Intentions
For the last few weeks I have been fasting (basically not eating and drinking during daylight hours). Part of the reason behind fasting is to practice being grateful, which got me thinking about gratitude itself and it’s link to happiness.
That's what I'm writing about today. Towards the end I will share some tips I found useful that you can implement into your own life too.
My intentions with this post are quite simple - I think gratitude has the potential to significantly increase your happiness. If you 're reading this, I hope this post helps you to take less things for granted and hopefully makes you more aware of the goodness in your life. That's my intention. I think if we start to focus on the positive things in life, it will benefit us. I also hope this post influences you to try out some of the gratitude practices that I talk about, to help you live a happier life.
What Is Gratitude?
Think back to a time where you temporarily lost something that you took for granted. Maybe it was a misplaced phone or wallet.
Later when you found it, do you remember that feeling of relief, that sense of happiness and gratitude when things returned back to normal?
Remember that feeling of valuing the item? That's gratitude.
This can be applied to people in your life too. When someone is hospitalised or has a near death experience, it makes us appreciate having that person around more. Almost losing them reminds us how much we value them.
Now wouldn't it be nice to feel that, without experiencing the loss beforehand?
You can when you practice gratitude.
The Key To Happiness
I'm no expert on happiness and I'm not saying that this is the key to happiness. In fact, I don't believe there even is a key to happiness. I think there's a corridor. A really really long corridor with multiple doors. Each one leading to a different level of happiness. What lies behind each door is different for every individual. One of those doors is called Gratitude. I hope you can open that door after reading this post.
Less Is More
This is a lesson I learnt from YouTuber Matt D'Avella. Matt has brought minimalism into the spotlight in recent years. At least, he did for me. One aspect of minimalism is living life by the rule that "Less is more". Instead of wanting more to satisfy your needs, minimalism teaches us to be happy with less. It teaches us to be grateful.
Instead of thinking "I'll be happy when I have that salary or that car or that house", think about what you have right now. Appreciate it. Value it. Be grateful.
NB: Just a side note, I'm no expert on minimalism, but if you want to learn more about it you should definitely check out Matts YouTube channel. It's one of my favourite channels to watch.
Comparisons
No such thing as a life that’s better than yours - J.Cole (Love Yours)
Jealousy and envy are enemies of gratitude. When we see someone with a nicer car or a bigger house, all of a sudden we want what they have. We forget what we have when we think like this. Count your blessings. Regardless of what you have, you won't truly be happy with it until you are grateful with everything now.
The comparative mindset is an endless pursuit of craving more, bigger and better in search for happiness. Don't fall into that trap. Learn to be happy with less before you strive for more.
Take a look at your phone for example. You don't feel the same level of gratitude and joy that you felt on the day you unboxed it (unless it's quite new). Remember how you used to be extra careful with it? Take a minute to appreciate the things you have even after the effect of novelty wears off. If you lost your phone I'm sure you would be somewhat upset, so while you have it in working order, be grateful.
Forms Of Gratitude
I urge you to try some of the gratitude techniques below. I can talk about the benefits all day but there is nothing quite like first hand experience.
Priming
Just from reading this post, you might find that today you are more aware of the things you have that you are grateful for. That's good, but it won't last long.
If you practice just thinking about something you are grateful for every day for as little as 5 minutes, you will find the feeling of gratitude resurfacing more often. Doing this in the morning will prime your brain to be grateful. It can really change the course of the day.
The Gratitude Journal
That's my gratitude journal in the picture above. A book with the sole purpose of recording things and people that I'm grateful for.
This is what I wrote on the first page:
I will write about people, moments, events, experiences and places that bring me happiness. This is to read when joy seems to be out of reach, to remind you that life is good - you just need to open your eyes to the good things.
Here's how I use it.
This is something I've been doing since the start of the year. I keep this small book at my desk. Whenever I sit at my desk I (try to) write one entry in my gratitude journal.
I write the date and time before each entry. Then I just write something I am grateful for and a sentence (or more) to explain why.
When I write something down, I am actively writing, thinking and sometimes seeing whatever/whoever it is I am grateful for - this brings about a very strong feeling of gratitude which results in happiness.
The beauty of this method is that it can be about an object, an experience, a person you know or someone you have never met. You can be grateful for a stranger who smiled at you 20 years ago. This makes it almost impossible to not have something to be thankful for.
Having used this system for 5 months, I noticed that my best entries are the spontaneous ones. When I receive good news I almost always immediately write it in my gratitude journal. I don't write in it unless I really feel like it either.
I find that since I started doing this, I'm more conscious of events and people that I am grateful for - this is the biggest benefit in my opinion. Now when I experience something good, gratitude comes to mind almost immediately.
Besides writing, you can of course read your journal. Imagine using this book for 1 year, writing once every 2 days, you would accumulate 180+ reasons to be grateful. If you are having a particularly bad day, reading through this book can be a powerful reminder of the good things in life and it can change your mood.
Writing Reviews
I'm quite the foodie. One of the items on my bucket list is to taste every cuisine on the planet. I like to eat out a lot and in recent years I've been reviewing quite a lot of restaurants and cafes. It started off with Google notifications asking me "How was (restaurant name)?" Now whenever I have an above average eating experience I like to leave a review, especially if it's an independent business.
I think writing (good) reviews is a form of gratitude. This didn't register in my head until a recent conversation. When I'm writing a 5* review I'm usually thinking "What did I like?" Which is just another form of "What was I grateful for?"
When we eat a meal the enjoyment is short lived. Within a few hours you will be hungry again and that meal is no longer satisfying your hunger, but by writing reviews you end up prolonging the value you are receiving from that meal. I think the same applies to holidays, hotels, amazon products, etc.
My friends used to ask me why I like writing reviews. I think gratitude is one of the reasons behind it.
Spreading Positivity
I think showing gratitude to people is a way of spreading goodness into society.
I worked as a waiter when I was 17 . Whenever a customer was happy with my service they would say thank you, but occasionally I'd get extra praise from customers. Comments like "Your service was fantastic, thank you so much for today!" Along with a tip (Those made a huge difference to my £3.72/h wage).
I appreciated all of the comments, but the extra praise would genuinely make me so happy that my smile would last even after the customers left. Once I was in that happy state, I was far more likely to smile, be jolly and positive towards other people. The good energy that started with the customer praising me would then be passed on from me, to those around me.
What I'm trying to say is, when you are truly grateful for an act, show how grateful you are with a couple of extra words or a hand shake. A hug. A smile. A tip. Those little effortless acts of kindness and gratitude can go a long way to making someone's day.
You might only see the receiving party smile and show happiness (which is great!), but little do you know that because of your kind gesture, they will go on to spread that goodness further.
On a side note this got me thinking, it's likely that we've all at some point been at the start of a chain of wholesome interactions like this, but we never find out.
To all of the people out there who start these chains, I appreciate you.
No consequences
Nothing bad comes from gratitude. There are no side effects, no trade offs. Gratitude either makes you happier or keeps you the same, so there's no harm in trying any of this.
Takeaways
During this lock down period, I think it has opened our eyes to the things we used to take for granted like seeing our friends and loved ones, going to public places, etc.
When things adjust back to the new 'normal', take time out each day to appreciate the small things. The things that usually go unnoticed. When you start to do that you'll (hopefully) find yourself feeling happier.
The more you you practice being grateful, the more your neural patterns develop around that thought process, and the easier it becomes to maintain a positive and grateful mindset.
After a while, you will start to value things more whilst you have them, which is the ultimate goal.
To be able to say "I didn't take that for granted."
Insights of the week:
Speak Up
This week’s insight was influenced by someone special.
This is a a rule to live by that has really resonated with me:
When you think of a good comment to make about someone, regardless of what it's about, don't keep it in your head. Say it out loud to them. Spread the positivity.
Sharing positive thoughts with people is a nice way to go about life. If you have something good to say about a person's appearance or character, sharing that thought with them might make their day. It might boost their confidence or make them smile.
I think it's a nice rule that I will be applying to my life from this moment on.
About the Author:
Daanish is a Biomedical Science graduate and a (soon to be) Medical Student.
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Vah vah kya baat hai bhai
Aah wholesome!!