The Interval
A mental model for improving behaviour
Imagine you're arguing with someone. I mean a full blown shouting match. Then the phone rings. When you answer the phone, immediately you put aside your anger and answer the phone in a calm manner.
It's interesting how we can make that switch from anger to calm. In this post I write about how we can use this technique to change our behaviour for the better.
Intentions
I quite like writing out my intentions at the start of each post. I might do this every week. It sort of outlines what to expect and makes the message clear.
Today I'm sharing a mental model that I like to use in life. The Interval is a mental model that shows you a way of living more thoughtfully. I'm hoping this will make you more aware of the decision-making process in your mind, so you can manipulate it and make better decisions in life.
Life: Event. Reaction. Repeat.
Life is a sequence of events. When I say events, I'm referring to literally anything that happens, no matter how big or small. For example; stubbing your toe, receiving a compliment, the doorbell ringing, etc.
Each event in life is followed by a subsequent reaction. Stubbing your toe might make you shout. Receiving a compliment makes you smile. The doorbell ringing makes you excited (if you 're expecting a delivery).
Event > Reaction > Repeat.
That's life in a nutshell.
The Interval
What you may not be aware of is the period in between an event and its reaction.
I call this, The Interval.
Those precious seconds right after an event occurs, where emotions arise and seem to take full control of our actions. That is the Interval.
The Interval is important. It's where we decide how to react to events.
If we take control of our mind and body in this interval, we can consciously choose our reaction.
I'll give a few examples to make this easier to understand.
Example 1
Let's start with stubbing your toe. After that event, usually a particular 4 letter word or a loud OUCH! comes out. Now think about how you would react to this when you're home alone versus in a meeting or entering a cinema during a movie?
You act differently. You wouldn’t scream in a cinema or a meeting. Why?
You would assess the situation and probably keep your mouth shut. What you are actually doing is utilising the interval to make an informed decision on your reaction.
Even though you would be in pain and maybe angry at the object that caused it, when you need to be quiet you can take control of that desire to react and keep it inside you.
The thing is, we only utilise the interval in situations like this. If we were to use it more often in our daily life, we could change so much for the better.
Think Rational, Not Emotional
Naturally, humans are emotional, not rational or logical.
We're accustomed to act on our emotions rather than following logic.
If a house is burning down with a loved one inside, our emotions might prompt us to go inside and save them, but that's not logical as it puts two lives at risk rather than one. Thinking rationally, you would let firefighters deal with the situation. This is an example of Emotional vs Rational thinking.
Using the Interval moves us from acting on our emotions to using logic and rationale.
Think Before You Do
Everyone has heard of the phrase 'Think before you do' but very few people actually put this into practice on a regular basis.
In my opinion, 'Think before you do' is the what and 'The Interval' is the how.
If we are conscious and aware of 'The Interval', we can actively suppress our emotions and choose to respond in the best way possible.
If we continue to be unaware of 'The Interval', we tend to live our lives on autopilot, acting on the first emotion that arises, which isn't always the best option.
The Interval allows us to think before we do, and act rationally. It helps us to view our emotions in third person and respond in the best manner.
Have you ever said something without thinking and felt immediate regret? At that point saying sorry and retracting the statement is no good. The damage is done. I think it's better to make use of the interval to avoid this issue in the first place.
You Are Responsible
I originally came across this idea in Stephen Covey's book 'The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People', where Stephen talks about being proactive rather than reactive. Being reactive is allowing the first emotion that comes to mind to take control of your action, whereas being proactive is being aware of the interval and choosing to act differently.
We are responsible for our actions. Responsible. Response-able. Able-to-respond. We are able-to-respond however we choose to the events that occur in our lives.
I urge you to try this. For the next hour, day, week or however long, try to be a little more conscious and aware of this interval. Next time you sense an emotion arising, pause and think, what is the best way to act in this situation? Then act accordingly.
Example 2
Consider the following scenario:
A parent and child are having dinner. The child places his glass of water near the edge of the table. He then knocks over the glass, spilling his drink and smashing the glass. The parent...
Let's pause it there. Remember Event, Interval, Reaction. The event has occurred, now we're in the interval.
The parent can have a range of reactions, but for simplicity we'll say there are two. Remember the reaction can be influenced by her awareness of the Interval.
Unaware of the interval - The parent is overcome with anger and proceeds to shout at the child.
Aware of the interval - The parent act rationally, ensuring the child is safe from the glass and cleans up the mess.
Okay, I'm sure we can acknowledge which is the better outcome (It's the second one).
Although this example was a little extreme, it gets the point across with ease and shows how you taking a moment to be conscious about your actions can make a big change.
Character Development
This mental model is easier said than done. It takes a lot to just ignore your emotions, I know. But nothing good in life comes easy, and the potential impact this can have on your character is astounding.
One trait of good character is having a negative emotion, yet still choosing to act differently, even when every ounce of your body says otherwise.
Start today
In quarantine, many of us can become reactive to our partners, family members and friends who we live with. I think this is a good time to practice being proactive, not reactive. Then once this all blows over and we go back to life as it was, we'll be better people.
Think back to your interactions over the last few days. can you remember a time where you were reactive? A time where you let your emotions get the better of you? Now you have the mental toolkit to change that.
Insight of the week:
Keep. It. Simple.
This week's insight is from a tweet by David Perell, a prolific writer and one of the people who influenced my decision to start writing online.
When I first started writing these posts a few months back, I thought I should be using big words and complex language to sound smart or whatever, but that just confuses people. The best writers and speakers are those who can deliver their message in the simplest form.
I think this can be applied to job interviews and public speaking. I find that in those settings many of us feel like we should sound academic, when in reality we should just Keep. It. Simple.
About the Author:
Daanish is a Biomedical Science Graduate and a (soon to be) Medical Student currently on a gap year working as a Maths Tutor.
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In sha ALLAH from now on i will practice this and tell you the results.
This one actually reminds me of my little students– but it's more of to tackle specific behaviour control through practicing specific routine. Nice writing :)