The Maturity Continuum
An approach to developing maturity
The Maturity Continuum is a model for personal development. In ‘The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People’ it is used to describe the journey to an effective life. Think of it as a blueprint for bettering yourself.
It's a process which is comprised of 3 stages: dependence,independence and interdependence.
Intentions
When I first read this, it gave me a better understanding of life and a better sense of direction. I could see where I was along the Maturity Continuum. As quite an independent person myself, this taught me the importance of Interdependence and why that is the supreme way to live. (This makes more sense when you read ahead, trust me). I hope this post can give you a better sense of direction and understanding of where you are in life.
The 3 Paradigms
Dependence is the paradigm of you
You take care of me.
You come through for me.
You didn't come through, I blame you for the results.
This is how life begins in infancy. Dependent people need others to get what they want. They depend.
Independence is the paradigm of I
I can do it.
I am responsible.
I am self-reliant.
I can choose.
This is the next progression in life. Independent people can get what they want through their own effort.
Interdependence is the paradigm of we
We can do it.
We can cooperate.
We can combine our talents and abilities and create something greater together.
This is the ‘supreme’ way of life, the end goal. Interdependent people combine their own efforts with the efforts of others to achieve their greatest success.
Let’s dive a bit deeper into each stage.
Stage 1: Dependence
This is how we all start life - Dependent.
We begin life as an infant. Totally dependent on others. We depend on others to feed us, protect us and nurture us. If it wasn't for this nurturing, we would only live for a few hours or days at most.
If I were physically dependent - paralysed or disabled or limited in some physical way - I would need you to help me.
If I were emotionally dependent, my sense of worth and security would come from your opinion of me. It's similar to children in school, when the teacher or their parents are happy with their work, they feel valued - that is if they are dependent at that age.
If I were intellectually dependent, I would count on you to do my thinking for me, to think through the issues and problems of my life.
In a nutshell, dependent people can’t do life on their own. They depend on others. Evidently, dependence is not an ideal state, so the aim is to progress from here, to the next stage, independence.
Stage 2: Independence
Gradually, over the following months and years, we become more and more independent. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially - until eventually we can essentially take care of ourselves, becoming inner-directed and self-reliant.
We learn to form opinions. We dress ourselves, feed ourselves, work and earn for ourselves. In today's society, if you follow the traditional conformist life pattern - Childhood > School > College > University > Full time job > Marriage > Family > Retirement - True Independence is usually assumed at the Full time job stage, but that isn’t always the case.
There are many dimensions to growth. Reaching our full physical maturity, for example, does not necessarily assure us of simultaneous emotional or mental maturity. On the other hand, a person's physical dependence does not mean that he or she is mentally or emotionally immature. I find that when I see someone who has a family and is financially independent, I assume they just have their life together, but that's not always the case. They might still be mentally, emotionally or physically dependent.
If I were truly independent, physically, I could pretty well make it on my own.
If I were independent mentally, I could think my own thoughts, I could move from one level of abstraction to another. I could think creatively and analytically and organise and express my thoughts in understandable ways.
If I were independent emotionally, I would be validated from within. I would be inner directed. My sense of worth would not be a function of being liked or treated well, like in the dependence mind frame.
It's easy to see that independence is much more mature than dependence. Independence is a major achievement in and of itself. But independence is not supreme.
Nevertheless, society enthrones independence. It is the goal of many individuals and social movements. Most of the self-improvement material puts independence on a pedestal, as though communication, teamwork, and cooperation are lesser values. This is because of much of our current emphasis on independence is in comparison to dependence - to having others control us, define us, use us, and manipulate us.
Although independence is a desired outcome coming from dependence, it is important to acknowledge that is is not the ultimate way of life, which is interdependence.
Interdependence is a little-understood concept. It is tied closely to independence, therefore we find people, often for selfish reasons, leaving their marriages, abandoning their children, and forsaking all kinds of social responsibility - all in the name of independence.
The kind of reaction that results in people "throwing off their shackles," becoming "liberated," "asserting themselves" and "doing their own thing" often reveals more fundamental dependencies that cannot be run away from because they are internal rather than external - dependencies such as letting the weaknesses of other people ruin our emotional lives or feeling victimised be people and events out of our control.
Of course, we may need to change our circumstances, so in some instances making the independent move might be the right thing to do. But the dependence problem is a personality maturity issue that has little to do with circumstances. Even with better circumstances, immaturity and dependence often persist. So leaving a marriage or abandoning children in the name of independence is not always proving independence, sometimes it is revealing hidden dependencies.
True independence of character empowers us to act rather than to be acted upon. It frees us from our dependence on circumstances and other people and is a worthy liberating goal. But it is not the ultimate goal in effective living.
As we continue to grow and mature, we become increasingly aware that all of nature is interdependent, that there is an ecological system that governs nature, including society. We further discover that the higher reaches of our nature have to do with our relationships with others - that human life is also interdependent.
Independent thinking alone is not suited to interdependent reality. Independent people who do not have the maturity to think and act interdependently may be good individual producers, but they won't be good leaders or team players. They're not coming from the paradigm of interdependence necessary to succeed in marriage, family, or organisational reality.
Stage 3: Interdependence
Life is, by nature, highly interdependent. To try to achieve maximum effectiveness through independence is like trying to play tennis with a golf club - the tool is not suited to the reality. The best tool for life is interdependence.
Interdependence is a far more mature, more advanced concept than independence.
If I am physically interdependent, I am self-reliant and capable, but I also realise that you and I working together can accomplish far more than, even at my best, I could accomplish alone.
If I am emotionally interdependent, I derive a great sense of worth within myself, but I also recognise the need for love, for giving, and for receiving love from others.
If I am intellectually interdependent, I realise that I need the best of thinking of other people to join with my own.
As an interdependent person, I have the opportunity to share myself deeply, meaningfully, with others, and I have access to the vast resources and potential of other human beings.
Think it through. Imagine if everyone in the world worked independently, society physically would not be able to function. Healthcare, Government, Law, Education, Business and Economy simply would not exist without interdependence.
Interdependence is a choice only independent people can make. Dependent people cannot choose to become interdependent. They don't have the character to do it; they don't own enough of themselves.
Summary
Dependence - How we start life. Unable to do anything for ourselves.
Independence - As we grow and mature we seek independence in all aspects of life - Physically, Emotionally, Mentally, Financially. We learn to get what we want without the need for other’s help.
Interdependence - This is the supreme way to live life. It is when you have achieved independence, so you derive your sense of worth within yourself, but you also recognise the need for love, for giving, and for receiving love from others. You become aware that you can accomplish far more with teamwork and cooperation, than you could ever accomplish alone.
I think everyone can relate to this model in some way, shape or form. Emotional independence is what you seek after a breakup. Physical independence is almost a universal desire. Who wouldn’t want to be 100% physically able? Financial independence is a well-known desire in today’s day and age.
This idea was inspired by a 3 page spread in this book. Following the introduction to the Maturity Continuum, Stephen Covey goes on to talk about the 7 Habits and how they can facilitate your journey from dependence, to independence to interdependence. If you liked this post then I highly recommend the book, it is quite eye opening to say the least.
If you made it this far, thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this. I appreciate it more than I can put into words :)
Insights of the week:
This week’s insight is a discovery I recently made. SyncTube is a website that let's you watch YouTube videos with someone remotely.
All you have to do is copy and paste a link from any YouTube video into SyncTube, create a room on SyncTube (for free) and share the room link with your friends. Then you can all watch the video simultaneously.
There is a group chat box next to the video, so you can have a little discussion about the video while you watch.
I think it's a nice way to connect with people who aren't necessarily close to you.
About the Author:
Daanish is a Biomedical Science graduate and a (soon to be) Medical Student.
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